What do FBI agents, vampires, witches, glass eyes, alpacas, and a wicked sense of humor all have in common? You guessed it: Hoofin’ It, by RJ Blain. I read the first chapter and then bought it immediately for only $0.99. I laughed at the spitting alpaca. I laughed at the conversation Shane has with his mother. Heck, I laughed at the dialog with the 911 operator, but there’s probably something wrong with me.
I even laughed at the dedication. Here, look. I screenshotted it for you.
There’s a healthy dose of cursing in the first couple pages, so if that bothers you, you’ll want to pick something else. (*cough* The-Wendy-is-on-sale-for-one-more-day,-is-quite-funny,-and-has-no-cursing. *cough*) As for me, I grew up in New Jersey. Yes, like Jersey Shore. Painfully close, geographically speaking. If you didn’t curse during a friendly debate, you weren’t even holding your own.
(Not at home though. Cursing at home was a federal offense. Cursing at school was a survival skill. I learned to compartmentalize.)
On the other hand, if you like quirky reads and you don’t mind cursing, this one looks extremely promising, which is why I snapped it up. In the first few pages we have a cop with a missing eye, a death-by-falling-body, a miniature spitting llama (actually an alpaca), and a rookie ready to shoot it.
Don’t worry, the good guy saves the alpaca. It’s not a spoiler because it’s on page two (and on the book cover), and anyway I didn’t want you not to get the book because you were worried about the llama. Er… I mean, the alpaca. So I’m just telling you. It’s an alpaca, and it doesn’t get shot. Not on page two, anyway. There are already hints, however, that the cute little thing might have it coming by the end, so I guess that could go either way.
But I’m still reading the book. It’s funny enough that it’s worth the risk, and that’s saying something. ‘Cause I freaking love llamas.
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From the publisher:
All Shane wanted was to get away from the wreckage of his career for a while. He picked New York City to provide him with a distraction from his early, unwanted retirement from the police force.
New York City delivered, distracting him with three corpses and a miniature llama with a spitting problem and an attitude. If he wants to return to a normal life, he’ll have to face off against a sex trafficking ring targeting the woman of his dreams, ancient vampires, murderous criminals, his parents, and an FBI agent with a hidden agenda.
Some days, it isn’t easy being an ex-cop.
Warning: This novel contains excessive humor, action, excitement, adventure, magic, romance, and bodies. Proceed with caution.